i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
