his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
