that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
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But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
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I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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