All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
