I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
