She just used a chaser for red wine.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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