I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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