Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
