Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
