I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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