After last night, I could never be a politician.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
