it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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