I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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