All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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