What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I need to calm my uterus...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
