Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us