You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
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Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
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I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
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