I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.