hotel room ftw
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying