I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
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These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done