after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.