I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
