Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
