I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
