You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
