I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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