I can't breathe out the right side of my face
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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