Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
