He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
