Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
