If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
