Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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