Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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