hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
