to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.