im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize