Texts From Last Night

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  (509): View more from Washington

  Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you

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  (509): Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you http://tfl.nu/tpo5
  Replies (30) Good night (13743) Bad night (943)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...

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  (325): Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on... http://tfl.nu/mq0s
  Replies (42) Good night (1299) Bad night (6652)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Either way I should probably pregame on the plane

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  (248): Either way I should probably pregame on the plane http://tfl.nu/xs77
  Replies (10) Good night (5142) Bad night (653)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.

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  (570): I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless. http://tfl.nu/rrlk
  Replies (6) Good night (3892) Bad night (683)
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  (408): View more from California

  He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.

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  (408): He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it. http://tfl.nu/0bv4
  Replies (54) Good night (6999) Bad night (1488)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.

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  (702): So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers. http://tfl.nu/tlh4
  Replies (11) Good night (689) Bad night (2096)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong

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  (704): we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong http://tfl.nu/wuam
  Replies (3) Good night (2381) Bad night (1035)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...

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  (513): So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face... http://tfl.nu/mkbe
  Replies (3) Good night (1511) Bad night (816)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."

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  (845): Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches." http://tfl.nu/j5or
  Replies (5) Good night (2736) Bad night (670)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.

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  (614): He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again. http://tfl.nu/pqwv
  Replies (3) Good night (1397) Bad night (450)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?

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  (817): You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember? http://tfl.nu/aoja
  Replies (0) Good night (938) Bad night (423)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.

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  (805): You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like. http://tfl.nu/70wr
  Replies (14) Good night (703) Bad night (1181)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.

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  (303): You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack. http://tfl.nu/ud5l
  Replies (4) Good night (596) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend

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  (607): Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend http://tfl.nu/0ja4
  Replies (2) Good night (674) Bad night (365)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now

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  (210): Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now http://tfl.nu/b5ox
  Replies (5) Good night (710) Bad night (328)

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