Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on

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(214): Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on http://tfl.nu/x4zw

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(949): View more from California

you made cement angels. it was a great sight.

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(949): you made cement angels. it was a great sight. http://tfl.nu/etc6

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(307): View more from Wyoming

Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.

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(307): Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding. http://tfl.nu/82eq

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.

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(732): Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend. http://tfl.nu/3lzx

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too

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(603): im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too http://tfl.nu/8x1l

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(330): View more from Ohio

I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.

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(330): I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now. http://tfl.nu/yqbr

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(330): View more from Ohio

i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm

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(330): i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm http://tfl.nu/d06d

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function

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(201): I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function http://tfl.nu/ad1f

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(719): View more from Colorado

getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.

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(719): getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week. http://tfl.nu/rliz

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.

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(+44): He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning. http://tfl.nu/9kly

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?

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(780): Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem? http://tfl.nu/k3dz

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(319): View more from Iowa

I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?

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(319): I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg? http://tfl.nu/atqw

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(916): View more from California

That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag

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(916): That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag http://tfl.nu/rjsr

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(817): View more from Texas

Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.

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(817): Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud. http://tfl.nu/pgi9

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(209): View more from California

My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.

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(209): My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it. http://tfl.nu/53yn

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