hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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