my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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