Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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