It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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