I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
