Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
