My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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