his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I don't deserve a penis
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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