I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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