I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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