Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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