hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
