He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
