I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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