the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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