I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
