I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
