I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize