One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
