We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
