dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
