Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
