it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
