Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize