So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
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I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
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He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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