WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
